Soon I'm Alone
by Line-from Denmark
Summary: Moonlight finds the way in from outside. It touches his face, and lights up his deep red hair, making it sparkle. I can’t understand why it has to be like this, why am I feeling like this?


Soon I'm Alone  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing!  
  
A/N-This is my first fanfiction, and I hope you'll like it.  
Thank you so much Abbey (On-A-Rainy-Day) for the help :)  
  
**********  
  
Moonlight finds the way in from outside. It touches his face, and lights up his  
  
deep red hair, making it sparkle. I can't understand why it has to be like  
  
this, why am I feeling like this? I see every little mark and cute freckle on  
  
his face I know so well, lit by moonlight. I dwell on if I'm ever going  
  
to feel like this again. It hurts deep in my heart to remind myself that he is  
  
leaving again soon, and I don't know if he will come back, back to me. It was  
  
like this last time as well, but I survived. All that pain, all those tears. It was worth it just to see him again, standing at the doorstep, with his charming  
  
smile and glowing blue eyes. I fell for him all over again.  
  
It started many years ago, an eternity if you ask me, that day my life began. We  
  
were young, kids I would say, and didn't know a thing about what the World has  
  
to offer.  
  
The first time I saw him, I was amazed, fascinated and revolted at the same  
  
time, as strange as it must sound.  
  
It's fun to think about we became best friends, nobody would have though that we  
  
would become friends at all. If we were told what would happen in the future, we  
  
wouldn't have believed it.  
  
We grew up together, and every day was like a test. I began little by little to  
  
notice what was there from the beginning, but we just hadn't noticed before. I  
  
tried to fight it, but the more I fought, the harder it was to deny.  
  
It turned out that he felt the same for me as I did for him. But I didn't know  
  
that at that time.  
  
We couldn't deny it even though we tried... I remember the countless girls he tried  
  
out. Every one of them: a dumb, giggling bimbo. I didn't blame him, we were just  
  
friends, best friends. It hurt anyway, it hurt so much in my heart every time.  
  
At first I thought that it hurt in me because I was feeling his pain, but I soon  
  
found out that the pain was my own.  
  
One day it just became too much and I just let go and allowed myself to be in  
  
love with him, even though I didn't think he would ever love me back.  
  
I remember it clearly, the best day of my life. That day my life began. It was  
  
the day when we allowed ourselves to understand, allowed ourselves to stop thinking  
  
for a while.  
  
A mistake? No. I would, even if I had the chance, never change it!  
  
Some people think it was a mistake, because it was never the same again, we  
  
could never be what we were before.  
  
I believe it was meant to be, like it also was fate that led me to him in the  
  
first place. Since then, we have experienced so much together, have seen each other in  
  
a whole new light, but at the same time never turned the old one off. There were  
  
times that were very rough, times that took all our power, all our strength just  
  
to come through. We made it anyway, because we were together.  
  
Some thought that it never would work out in the end, others that we were meant  
  
for each other. I don't know who's right, and if I'm perfectly honest, I don't  
  
care. All I know is that even if anyone had told me how many problems, how much  
  
pain and sorrow he would add in my life, I wouldn't have left him, because it  
  
has been worth it all. All those good, perfect moments we have spend with each  
  
other, all that happiness it gives me to see his smile, his smile for me. I  
  
wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.  
  
Why does it have to be so complicated? I ask myself that question everyday. And  
  
if I think about it, it isn't even that complicated. He is going to leave again,  
  
I know that, but if I'm sure he's coming back to me again, then it's worth it.   
  
I have to have an answer; it's unbelievably hard to be feeling so blissful  
  
when he's here, and so filled with heartache every time he's gone. I must find  
  
an answer. No human, no being should be able to feel this kind of pain. How?  
  
I feel a hand on my arm, turn my head and see him smiling at me. Is it for the  
  
last time?  
  
He has prepared himself to leave. Is it so late already?  
  
Sunlight has started to throw itself inside our window, bright and warming, it's  
  
still early morning. The sun reflects in his red hair and makes it more alive.  
  
Just like him.  
  
I look into his eyes, those amazing eyes I know so well. I can feel that he's  
  
feeling the same pain as I, even though his eyes right now are glowing of  
  
happiness, love and warmth, and make his face smile and light up even more.  
  
That's that kind of smile, that just can't help you from making yourself smile  
  
in return.  
  
He adoringly reaches for a lock of my curly hair, which has fallen in front of  
  
my eyes, and gently puts it behind my ear.  
  
It's too much; I can already feel that pain which comes the moment he's gone. I  
  
suddenly have that feeling that he doesn't want to go at all. But he has to.  
  
It's his job and responsibility to help people and maybe save lives. It's so  
  
unfair, he's out there, risking his life, while I'm just sitting at the ministry  
  
and keeping track of everything. I know it's selfish, but I want him with me, I  
  
want him safe.  
  
He knows what I'm thinking, and places a loving hand on my cheek, gently and  
  
comfortingly stroking that tear away I didn't know had fallen.  
  
He tries his best to give me a comforting smile, but it doesn't help, not now.  
  
There fall slowly more tears down my cheeks now, and I can se the same pain  
  
reflected in his eyes.  
  
Tenderly he places his arms around me, and pulls me close to him, framing me softly,  
  
while he continues to stroke more tears away from my cheeks.  
  
I slowly become calmer, and enjoy the last moment in his arms before he's  
  
leaving. He looks at his watch, that watch I gave him on our first valentines  
  
day together as a couple, he still has it. The watch shows him that it's late and  
  
he has to go. He reluctantly lets go of me, and whispers a couple of calming  
  
words in my ears. I shudder with the sound of his voice and those words I have  
  
heard countless of times before, but still mean the world to me.  
  
He gives me one last deeply passionate kiss, turns around and slowly walks out the door.  
  
I immediately feel the familiar pain, and wish he were still lying here beside  
  
me, holding me close. I have to pull myself together. I fight myself up in a  
  
sitting position, stand up and walk into the kitchen to make some tea. I feel  
  
empty, empty and lonely, but prepare myself for another new day with out him. I  
  
know life goes on, and if fate is with me he will come home eventually. I  
  
just hope it's soon.  
  
*******  
  
The End  
  
*******  
  
A/N- did you like it? 


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